RANSVESTIA

At one point I felt that he had hurt me so badly that I wanted to get back at him, so one morning a friend of his came over to the house. My husband was still sleeping in his gown and make-up. I thought now he will get his just due. I let the company in, and woke my husband to tell him that was here to see him.

He woke up frantic, here he was in full make-up and had to walk past the living room to get to the bathroom and wash up. I forgot that in one of my dresser drawers I had some cold cream and he cleaned up quite well before coming out. Actually I was relieved that he was able to do this because I felt really terrible about what I had done. I asked myself what was I trying to gain by this. It was just a way I was using to get back at him for the hurt he caused me. I must admit I didn't stop caus- ing him anguish when he did get dressed.

Then came the day a few months ago, when he received the book for wives of FPs. He read it and then gave it to me. What an insight to the problem it gave us both!

It seemed that you must have interviewed him to write this book. His parents had dressed him in girl's clothes for punitive reasons when he was young and sent him out to play. His father was very domineering and an alcoholic while his mother was very sweet and sympathetic to him. Also many of the other causes you gave for Transvestism fitted his child- hood.

Both of us finally understood. My husband was only one of thousands just like him. Competely heterosexual individuals with a strong FP desire. It made me truly sorry for all the hurt that I had caused him in the past, and all the confusion I had brought on myself.

I understand that this is a part of his life, a very real part, just as much as his other self. If I wanted to keep my marriage for all the good things we have, I had to accept what I could not change. It has not been easy for me. Had I learned to accept it many years ago we could have avoided so much confusion and unhappiness on both our parts. However no sense thinking about that now as one cannot change the past.

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